Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There r osticjed everywhere
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
