Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
