um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
