its not stalking. its research.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
