We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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