I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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