She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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