so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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