4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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