i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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