don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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