please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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