Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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