my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
