On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
