Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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