Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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