When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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