I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
