I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
