1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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