Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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