you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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