New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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