covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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