Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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