i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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