why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize