i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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