Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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