I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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