I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
