I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
