That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just puked most of my soul out..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
