My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
