I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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