i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
