I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
