i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
