can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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