NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Panties = found
Randomize
