It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I AM VODKA MAN
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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