I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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