I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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