And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
