....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
