I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
