I wish you could order shots online.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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