My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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