It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
