I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
