May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
