I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
