I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
