I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
