I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
