lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
