I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
