I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
