"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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