I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
