And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
