u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
