It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
