We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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