end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
