The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
