names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
