I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
...so i touched it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
