Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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