You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
