Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
