i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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