FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
