i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
